Breastfeeding hell

The first week of breastfeeding had been hellish. True to form, this little guy who had been doing gymnastics in my belly at 1am, was most restless at that hour from day 1. I recalled (just 17 days ago but it seemed like a lifetime already!) being kept up for most nights in the hospital soothing and breastfeeding him. It was especially frustrating when the milk hadn't 'come in'. I can't imagine why anyone would enjoy this thing called breastfeeding. The whole process would take me at least an hour and that was being optimistic.

Unlike some lactating mums who are like cows, I never had an overflowing problem. And although I was assured by my lactation consultant that eventually supply would increase with demand, the process of enduring 2 days of continuous sucking that result in sore & tender nipples, not to mention keeling over a baby perpetually tethered to my breast, the thought of bottle feeding became an increasingly attractive option.

Bottle feeding also allowed DH to share in the load and bond with the baby. The shorter time taken to feed also meant more time could be spent with my elder bean whom I felt had been neglected by me of late. Such is the complexity of the decision! Parenting today is all about guilt management. Guilt from depriving a baby from the 'best' milk; guilt from not spending enough time with the child; guilt from choosing a career over the home... At the end of the day, there wasn't a one-size-fits-all solution for every issue. What mattered most was a judicious weighing of costs versus benefits. With that, I'm at peace with my decision to supplement with the bottle. And just like that, I got out of my breastfeeding hell.


microbeanie is 2 weeks & 3 days old
minibeanie is a 2 year old toddler